


Family Trip

by justAperidot



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Family Trip, Gen, Human Anna, Human Balthazar, Human Castiel, Human Gabriel, Human Lucifer, Human Michael, Humor, Vacation, i was tired when i wrote this ok, rabid teddy bears, the novaks are a mess, tootsie rolls fix everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-07
Updated: 2014-08-07
Packaged: 2018-06-10 03:29:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6937879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justAperidot/pseuds/justAperidot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe Michael shouldn't have let Lucifer, Gabriel, Balthazar and Cas drive the family minivan around without supervision and completely ruin the Novaks' vacations. It's too late to regret it now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Family Trip

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this when my family and I got lost in Virginia. I was tired and bored so I wrote a funny fic to cheer myself up.

"Who let Balthazar drive?"

"Cas."

"Aaaaaaand why?"

"Because I was falling asleep! Who made you the boss, Gabe?"

"I did. I named myself Chief Explorer of this trip. Now, ignoring Castiel's _grave_ irresponsibility-"

"It's the middle of the night!  He was the only one awa-!"

"Sush. The big kids are talking, Cassie. Anyway, as I was saying, what happened, Balthy?"

"You are incredibly bossy for someone so short."

"Don't sass me and talk, Balthazar."

"We were on the Interstate."

"Yes..."

"And I saw an exit."

"Okay."

"And I thought it was our exit, so I took it."

"Mm-hm."

"But it wasn't our exit."

"No shit, Sherlock."

The blond was right. The Novak family minivan had reached a dead end, surrounded by dense forest to their left and right, and an abandoned cabin in front of them.

Gabe sighed, "Let's turn around, get back on the Interstate, and then we'll see what the heck we can do."

"Yeeeah, about that..." Balthazar smacked the gas meter with his index finger, hoping that the needle would stop lying lazily on top of the big red EMPTY sign. 

"Oh my god, Balthazar Novak! How could you?! There are children in the vehicle!"

"I'm eighteen, Gabriel!" Castiel piped in angrily from the backseat.

"Piss off, Gabe. I'll just walk to the closest gas station."

"And test your luck with the rabid raccoon over there?" the prankster inquired, pointing towards something right in the border of the headlights' reach. 

Cas stopped sulking for a moment to look through the windshield at the critter. Indeed, there were a couple of bright eyes staring at them, the furry outline of the raccoon fuzzy thanks to the lack of light. 

"Maybe we can capture it and give it to Zachariah as an early birthday present. Or late. I really don't know when his birthday is," a voice growled. 

"And so he awakes!" Gabe announced mockingly as the lump of blankets to Cas's left suddenly became one of their eldest brothers. 

"Hey, Luce," the dark haired teen greeted softly. He received a grunt as an answer. 

 _"It was the heeeeat of the moment,"_ Asia sang. Balthazar checked the radio. Off. "Where the hell-?"

"Phone," Gabriel mumbled and extracted the offending device from his pocket. 

"Who is it?"

"Michael."

Magically, the ringtone was suddenly the only sound in the van. Everybody sat frozen in their seat. Gabe stared at the blinking screen of his IPhone and hoped that it would just. Stop. Ringing. Balthazar stared at the raccoon, knowing that sooner or later it would have to get intimidated by the mighty van and scurry away. Cas considered the same animal, thinking that maybe "rabid" was a too harsh adjective for a small woodland creature. He expected to be able to pet it before they got out of their plight. Lucifer was also looking at the "raccoon", calculating how long it would take the others to realize it was an abandoned and misplaced teddy bear. 

The phone finally stopped ringing. 

No one could decide if Michael hanging up on them was a good thing or a bad thing. 

In a rebellious teenage impulse, Cas decided to prove he was not a kid by getting out of the car and walking towards the raccoon. Lucifer watched him go. Balthazar didn't realize his youngest brother was out of the car until it was too late. Gabe yelled at the blue eyed boy to get back inside, cursed under his breath, and banged his head against the dashboard, faking three heart attacks while doing so. 

Cas continued walking...

... knelt down slowly...

... and picked up the teddy bear with a puzzled expression. 

Cas and his new cotton-filled friend got back inside the minivan. Lucifer thought that teddy bear was the fugliest thing he had ever seen, but he wasn't going to tell his little brother. Cas wondered if he could fix the bear fast enough to have it ready in time for the church's Christmas toy drive. Balthazar asked Gabe if he wasn't going to continue yelling at Cas, to which the blond replied that there hadn't been any danger after all, so what's the point, and "the kid was just having some fun. Jeeze, Balthy." Balthazar, done once more with trying to understand his family, stepped out of the car and huffed, "I'm gonna see if I can find anything worth keeping inside that cabin before I head to the gas station."

"The door looks jammed," Cas noted.

"I'll break a window or somethin'."

Castiel nodded and Balthazar walked away. Gabe rummaged through the glove compartment, found an old box of candy, and decided that for the next twenty-three and a half Tootsie Rolls, he didn't give a damn of what happened around him. Lucifer slouched back on his seat and propped his feet on Cas's lap, ignoring the brunet's complaints. 

Balthazar's silhouette had reached the side of the old-looking construction. He picked something up (a rock, possibly) and threw it at the cabin with all his might. 

A window shattered. 

The lights inside the cabin were suddenly on and a man was cursing. 

Balthazar froze. Gabe groaned, aware of the fact that jail was one of the few things that eighteen Tootsie Rolls couldn't fix. Cas realized what had happened a bit too slowly; he was too distracted wondering how Gabe could eat so fast. Lucifer took out his phone, opened the frontal camera, and tried to decide in the dim light how he wanted to look in his mugshot. 

Balthazar started heading back to the minivan with slow baby steps, then gave up and dashed back as fast as he could. Cas hoped that Dean was in a good mood and would pay their bail before Michael found out. Gabriel clutched the box tightly, his beliefs telling him that they could take his brothers, his freedom, even his life, but they would never take his Tootsie Rolls. Lucifer expected the Sheriff to give him his usual cell, and maybe lock up the other Novaks far away. He appreciated having some peace and quiet when it came to jail. 

The cabin door swung open. Everyone inside the van held their breath. Well, almost everyone. Lucifer just rolled his eyes. It was time he took matters in his own hands. He snatched the teddy bear out of Cas's clenched hands, jumped out of the car, and launched the toy towards the small house. It landed right on the doorway, and was once again confused with a wild critter, causing just enough havoc. Lucifer turned in the other direction and sprinted away. The others soon followed. 

When the four young men reached the Interstate, out of breath and with mud up to their ankles, they finally realized the one great flaw in Lucifer's plan:

They left the van. The family minivan they were supposed to take back to the Novak lakeside lodge by ten o'clock, two and a half hours ago, was now sitting forgotten in an unknown stretch of road. 

"Awesome," Gabe muttered. "Our mutilated heads will adorn Michael's wall. Awesome plan, Luci-moron." He got pinched in the neck for that nickname. 

"Let's just walk back to the cottage, it can't be too far. I'm sure we can calmly tell big bro Mike some sugarcoated version of what happened to get us off the hook and come back tomorrow for the van," Balthazar proposed tiredly. 

Cas agreed to the new plan with a yawn. Gabe stared daggers at Lucifer. Lucifer inspected his nails. 

They started walking, Balthazar reminding them every few seconds how they "calmly and reasonably" had to make up a story where the four Novaks came out as misunderstood martyrs and that Michael would buy.

Bugs buzzed. Twigs snapped under their feet. Every now and then, something would howl or growl, but it was a faraway sound. Most of the time.

"That sounded waaay too close," Cas noted after an unusually loud growl. "Think it's a bear."

Lucifer smiled darkly. "Maybe it's your teddy bear, following us to get revenge for abandoning it."

"Shut up, Lucifer," the other three complained in unison. 

There was another growl, this one closer than the last.

"Change of plans. Run to the cottage?" Balthazar asked. 

"Run to the cottage," the rest echoed.

Anna hadn't realized everyone else had gone to bed. Hell, she hadn't realized the sun had set. Her novel was far too interesting, but she was forced to put it down when, out the corner of her eye, she saw four of her brothers trotting up the roughly traced pebble path. Their arms were scratched, their running shoes were completely covered with mud, and Gabriel was clutching something that suspiciously looked like a box of… Tootsie Rolls?

The red-headed teenager jumped down the two porch steps and dashed to meet them halfway. “Guys, what happened?”

Before any of them could reply, a male voice echoed, “Yeah, guys, what happened?” Michael appeared out of seemingly thin air, his arms crossed over his chest. His voice, unlike Anna´s worried tone, dripped venom.

“We- uh…” Gabe began, and nudged Cas in the ribs to help him on.

“We were misled by a sign and ended up in an unknown road…”

“And there was a cabin,” Lucifer piped in.

“And we went to ask the owner for directions…” Gabriel continued.

“But he was a psycho!” Balthazar added.

“And had a big sharp ax,” Lucifer said calmly.

“So we ran,” Castiel explained, still trying to stick close to the actual events.

“But there was a raccoon,” Lucifer drawled.

“A rabid one!”

“And a bear!”

“Two bears, actually!”

“One was a cub…”

“But it was crazy!”

“And Momma bear hated us on sight and chased us all the way down here!” Balthazar finished.

Michael didn’t buy it.

They would be working their asses off to pay for the broken window and whatever damage that could´ve been done to the van after being abandoned in the middle of a forest. 


End file.
